KhayCee *as it was written*

He’s my fave American Idol

Alumni!  I have waited for his

album to be out and it finally did!

YEY!

Grab your copy now! and I promise…you can’t go wrong with this!  I love every track!

I FVE DAVID! *winks*

Song by: Amanda Marshall

I always think about you
I always will
I always wonder what might’ve been
If we could get time to just stand still
Oh well
It was the right train
But I guess we must’ve been off track
And I’ve been
Waiting for so long
But now I know you’re never coming back

So I’ll give up giving in
Quit playing this game can’t win
I wish I could stop
But I don’t know where to begin

I wonder how you slipped away
I wonder why
I always wonder if there’s a chance
That maybe you know what this is like inside
It’s like a bloodstain
And it’s spreading across my chest
And I’ve been bleeding for so long
I think this heart of mine deserves a rest

So I’ll give up giving in
Quit playing this game can’t win
I wish I could stop
But I don’t know where to begin

And now the wolf is at my door
And it’s never gonna be like it was before
And I have cried ’til I’m insane
and my head is getting cloudy
It’s shrouded in this pain

So I’ll give up giving in
Quit playing this game that I can’t win
I wish I could stop
But I don’t know how
To give up giving in
Quit playing this game that I can’t win
I wish I could stop
But I don’t know how
To begin

Gotta give up
It’s never gonna be
Like it was before
The wolf is at my door

It’s never gonna be
Like it was before
The wolf is at my door
Gotta give up

It’s never gonna be
Like it was before
The wolf is at my door

It’s never gonna be
Like it was before
The wolf is at my door

Gotta give up!

Ohhhhhhhh….

Have you ever been asked that one same question over and over again by your friends and even complete strangers?

*Sighs*

At first, it seems to be comical for me. But as it happens over and over, I got dead beat of answering the question.

I suppose that my friends are concerned about me that they get to ask me the question.  But when strangers (such as staffs from Salons) started asking me the same question, it caused me to pause and contemplate.

I know their intentions are good.  But, the answer to the question is really beyond my control and realizing this causes me to doubt myself.

I’m a very hopeful person but there are still times that I get shaken.  And sadly, there is no one to turn to or should I be considering turning to someone.

In my heart and in my mind, it will come in its perfectness, but dealings such as this one question brings somewhat certain misery.

24 January 2009 : Saturday : Zamboanga : 11:46 pm

I’m abruptly caught up on an instant that I never really expected that I will still be in.

It’s a moment that I get to ask myself if I am okay or not.  A moment where I couldn’t stop from sighing.

A moment where my tears are kept from falling.

A dear friend of mine told me that “You got to have goals!  It doesn’t matter if it’s a big/long-term goals or small/short-term goals.  You just got to have goals in life.”

He’s right! Actually, I know this stuff.  I’ve heard/read of it gazillion times.  But I guess I’m not that kind of a planning person.

But, when he reminded me of it, which I guess he has done unintentionally, I had a wake-up call.  It’s time for me to write my goals in life! May it be gigantic or miniature ones *grins*.

Hey Sweetie! Thanks!

I had another dental crap last Saturday. My appointment was at 1:45 pm but since I don’t like to be late at any appointments, I went early.  I arrived at 1:20 pm.  I went straight to the receptionist and handed my appointment card.  I sat down at the reception area as I wait for my name to be called.  I opened a book and started reading.  But not a minute passed, the nurse came and asked me if I’m ready.  I thought, for a dental crap, I guess I will never be ready *scared kid*.  As I walked in the room, I saw a Male Dentist, and in my head I said “Oh No! I don’t like male dentist they are so not gentle.  But, what can I do? I can’t just tell him that I prefer a female dentist it will be so disrespectful of me.”  So, I just made a big smile and said Hi to him.  He asked me to sit down as he wore his gloves and read my card.  I am scheduled for a filling but as he explains that it would be best to take out the bad ones on the same side where I will have my filling, since it would be numb anyway. In my silently shock state, I replied casually “Oh, Okay!”

Sitting on the dental chair makes my heart beat triple times and my brain gets activated and thoughts run fast.  As he gets my gum numb with these needles, I closed my eyes and said a prayer “Jesus, please be with me and let me feel no pain, please, please, please!” No Joke! I really said that prayer.  He then wore these glasses with lights on it which made him look like an alien. Bad me! Then he pulled the dental light on focus which made me say in mind “I feel like I’m in a movie scene or something”. As he started to do stuffs with my gums and teeth, drilling, spraying, pulling, applying and removing of stuffs, I can hear his tummy growling.  I thought “I bet his hungry!” *LMAO* I wanted to ask him if he was but I can’t talk because of all the screws he connected on my tooth.  As he asked his nurse to get all those different sizes of tools out which by the way as I counted, it was twelve, I can still hear his stomach growling. *LOL* so, with all the happenings, I forgot that I was scared! I guess it was Jesus way to let me feel no pain. *Big Grins* Well, it worked! *Toothless Smile*

Haaaaaaaaaay! Few more appointments left and this will all be over. I hope!

As I was trying to fix the mess in my room,

I accidentally found this…

Darn!

My College ID!

Awwwwwww….

I suddenly missed my school

and all the memories flashed back!

My Classmates…

My Profs…

Our Classrooms…

Our Canteen…

Our Lockers…

Our Swimming Pool…

Our Computer Labs…

Never ending list!

*sighs*

Looking back at those times

made me more

Thankful

and

Happy

that

I

GRADUATED!

Its actually on this site :> http://gorgeouskc.multiply.com/journal/item/36/Come_Come_Tooth_Fairy

… because I do.

But sometimes, they say, its better not to act or show that you care so much for a lot of reasons.

For me, I don’t get it!  If I care, then I will show and tell that I care no matter what the other would think. 

I mean, it’s really crazy pretending that I’m heartless because I’m not.  It’s sooooo not me!

But now, I’m one step backward.  I need to.

It’s darn difficult.  It crushes my heart.  I don’t know how much longer I can stay here.

I don’t even know if I’m doing the right thing.

*sighs*

Why!?